Consumer Product Division

Farmer Fred's Happydale Hamspread

Blobster Farmer Fred's Happydale Hamspread All Purpose Spray

You know, Farmer Fred's Happydale Ham Spread™ is so wholesome, so full of chemical goodness, that it could effectively replace every other item of food in your house! And, the great thing is Farmer Fred's Happydale Ham Spread™ comes in so many different forms, flavors and consistencies,Like Farmer Fred's Happydale Ham Spread Loaf™,Farmer Fred's Happydale Ham Squeezy Spread™, Why we're convinced you could live on the stuff for a year and never have the same meal twice! Here's why:

Nature's great, but we can do better! For countless millennia, man lived purely off the land. He hunted, he gathered, he reaped the incredible bounty of this glorious planet we call home. He also lived to be thirty-five.

The good people at Allied Chemical decided enough was enough. They created chemicals that inject unheard-of levels of goodness and yummy into every can, jar and squeezy-bottle of Farmer Fred's Happydale Ham SpreadTM . You'd have to consume eighteen servings of fruitsand vegetables, twenty-six loaves of bread, thirty-two glasses of milk, and an entire pig to match the chemically-enhanced nutritional goodness of just one serving of any of the Farmer Fred's Happydale Ham Spread TM product line! What a glorious time to be alive!

So many flavors, it scares us. If there's one criticism you could make of us, it's that we care too darn much! Our Research and Development team works day and night to come up with new and exciting flavors for you, and frankly, we've come up with so many variations, to list them here would crash your browser in a New York Minute! Some perennial favorites however have included: Applesauce, Garden Veggie, Hummus, Grape, Polynesian Parmesan, Maple, Beef 'n' Bird, and that perennial Mexican favorite Pig-Cante™ !

Think of it as Meaty Butter™ . The best thing about Farmer Fred's, though, is that it's so darn easy. Whether it comes from a can, jar or squeezy-bottle, just spread it on a cracker and you're good to go!

Heck, why bother with the cracker? Just slice off a piece of Farmer Fred's Happydale Ham Spread LoafTM , and you've got twice the goodness, twice the taste, and, we think, twice the fun!

So remember, at home, work, or play, morning, noon, or night --
the choice is simple, the choice is clear.
It's Farmer Fred's Happydale Ham Spread product line™
for a great life and a better tomorrow! ™

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